When you date as a couple, and you date other couples,there is always the danger that someone may be taking "one for the team" so to speak. Or, in some other cases, a couple is very interested in one half of the other couple, but pretends otherwise. This is obviously, not always the case, but I feel like in our case, it has been the case more often than not. And while a lot of this may be my insecurities speaking, I do think there is a grain of truth to it.
Last evening, we had a couple over. We'd met them once before, at a bar, and things seemed to be going swimmingly. We all seemed to get along, in fact, we did get along. We made a date to meet up a week later, and both sides were excited about it. We certainly were and they seemed to be, from the texts coming our way.
The evening started well. Good conversation over drinks, lots of laughs . Like I said, a great start. We decided to play a game, and picked Cranium. My wife and the other lady in a team and her husband and me in the other. There is often an awkwardness between the males, but in this case, there was none. We were high-five-ing our way to victory, motivated by the new rule that if you didn't get the right answer, a piece of clothing came out.
The game ended well, with the ladies in their underwear. Things between the ladies (who were on a couch together) heated up and soon there was steam rising from the couch. We moved the party into a different room with a mattress and there the ladies continued. Well, I don't need to make this into an work of erotic prose to get to my point.
Once the gents were asked to join, the lady and I spent a little bit of time together, but within a minute or two, she dis-engaged and went off to her husband, who at the time was with my wife. And stayed there. My wife didn't realize for a while. After a few minutes I left the room and went out for a smoke. I returned once they had finished. And they left soon after.
I, obviously, felt enormously hurt and angered at the end of the evening. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. And then, the patterns became clearer. How this scene had repeated itself with a few other couples we'd been with. And I had a face-palm moment.
Later this morning, after letting the emotion wash over me, I started thinking more rationally. I decided I didn't need to hate them; there was no real malice involved. Maybe they didn't realize it, maybe they realized it too late. Either way, it didn't matter. From my perspective, I needed to protect myself from such situations.
So, I've decided on a new rule. Before we date a couple, I'm going to insist that the individuals go out on a date by themselves - in whatever pairing makes sense. So, we can evaluate our individual chemistry and how attracted we are to the individual. If there is that chemistry, then dating as a couple is worthwhile. This, I think, is important to me because both of us value an ongoing relationship and are not interested in one night stands.
Ensuring that we can sustain a date individually will let us build a personal chemistry, an investment worth making if all parties are interested in an ongoing engagement. My expectations are low - most couples see this as an avenue for unemotional sex. As we have no interest in that, maybe this will also be a great filtering mechanism. And, the cherry on top of it all : the insecure ones will never agree. So hopefully, we'll get to meet the few serious, mature, adult couples where there is a real connection across the board.
The experiment begins.
Last evening, we had a couple over. We'd met them once before, at a bar, and things seemed to be going swimmingly. We all seemed to get along, in fact, we did get along. We made a date to meet up a week later, and both sides were excited about it. We certainly were and they seemed to be, from the texts coming our way.
The evening started well. Good conversation over drinks, lots of laughs . Like I said, a great start. We decided to play a game, and picked Cranium. My wife and the other lady in a team and her husband and me in the other. There is often an awkwardness between the males, but in this case, there was none. We were high-five-ing our way to victory, motivated by the new rule that if you didn't get the right answer, a piece of clothing came out.
The game ended well, with the ladies in their underwear. Things between the ladies (who were on a couch together) heated up and soon there was steam rising from the couch. We moved the party into a different room with a mattress and there the ladies continued. Well, I don't need to make this into an work of erotic prose to get to my point.
Once the gents were asked to join, the lady and I spent a little bit of time together, but within a minute or two, she dis-engaged and went off to her husband, who at the time was with my wife. And stayed there. My wife didn't realize for a while. After a few minutes I left the room and went out for a smoke. I returned once they had finished. And they left soon after.
I, obviously, felt enormously hurt and angered at the end of the evening. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. And then, the patterns became clearer. How this scene had repeated itself with a few other couples we'd been with. And I had a face-palm moment.
Later this morning, after letting the emotion wash over me, I started thinking more rationally. I decided I didn't need to hate them; there was no real malice involved. Maybe they didn't realize it, maybe they realized it too late. Either way, it didn't matter. From my perspective, I needed to protect myself from such situations.
So, I've decided on a new rule. Before we date a couple, I'm going to insist that the individuals go out on a date by themselves - in whatever pairing makes sense. So, we can evaluate our individual chemistry and how attracted we are to the individual. If there is that chemistry, then dating as a couple is worthwhile. This, I think, is important to me because both of us value an ongoing relationship and are not interested in one night stands.
Ensuring that we can sustain a date individually will let us build a personal chemistry, an investment worth making if all parties are interested in an ongoing engagement. My expectations are low - most couples see this as an avenue for unemotional sex. As we have no interest in that, maybe this will also be a great filtering mechanism. And, the cherry on top of it all : the insecure ones will never agree. So hopefully, we'll get to meet the few serious, mature, adult couples where there is a real connection across the board.
The experiment begins.
